Most people who have Toddlers have been diagnosed by a physician or a stick that you pee on, but some don’t know they have this seriously draining, but highly curable condition. So here are the top signs you may have Toddlers:
1. You find yourself humming the theme song from Winnie-The-Pooh as you clean the kitchen.
2. You’re talking to your friends and announce that you “have to go potty.”
3. You know that Bob the Builder and his assistant, Wendy, were meant to be together.
4. You say “put your pants back on” more than 5 times a day.
5. You have stopped caring whether the clothes match, no matter who is wearing them.
6. Naptime is the best time of day, second only to bedtime, because you actually get to sit down.
7. You wait until they’re sleeping to go to the bathroom.
8. Bodily fluids don’t even faze you anymore.
9. Silence makes your cheek twitch.
10. You don’t drink, even though you really, really want to, until you’re sure they’re asleep.
11. The only place to hide things is on top of the refrigerator, and even that is questionable.
12. Coffee is your main source of nutrients.
13. You regularly stop and take stock of your day, because you can’t remember when your last meal was.
14. Finding a repeat babysitter is nigh on impossible.
15. You know that Cheerios are a perfectly acceptable meal at any time of day.
16. You have very strong feelings about Caillou. Like, “That kid needs a serious spanking.”
17. You have heard “Had it FIRST!” more than 10 times in the last 12 hours.
18. You know it is totally worth all the effort you put in to raise these little humans.
19. Going to the grocery store by yourself is like a vacation.
20. No matter how long you’ve been away, you’re always happy to come back to them and hear them squeal with delight that you’re home.
If you think you may have toddlers, talk to your spouse, chances are he or she has them, too. Necessary treatment includes Time, Love, and lots of animal crackers. Condition generally runs its course in 3-8 years.
*This blog is not meant to diagnose or treat anything except a frown.
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